I haven’t published a blog post in about a month. I feel kind of bad about it, but I have done far worse things in my life. As penance for missing so many weeks, I offer my deep, dark secrets, the things about me that make people recoil in horror and doubt they can continue to be my friend. After my total lie about publishing a post weekly, here are further scandalous facts about Caoimhe that put me in candidacy for The Worst.
- I liked The Hobbit film trilogy. I mean, I REALLY liked it. I watched it several times. I love The Hobbit, it’s one of my favourite books, so don’t mistake me for a mere Peter Jackson-loving cinephile. I also loved the Lord of the Rings movies so I don’t just have horrible taste. I really don’t know why people hated it! I thought it was fun, the acting was good, it looked great, it was full of rides (Fili, Kili, Thorin, Bard the Bowman, hello!) and I loved the addition of Tauriel. The Hobbit has always been sparse. There are literally passages where Tolkien says “but we won’t talk about that now” and totally skips plotlines. Peter Jackson was like… let’s put those in! The people in charge gave him loads of money and he did what he wanted. It’s a fan-made film and I appreciate that. In fact, I would welcome a fourth one.
- I sometimes throw away coffee cups that aren’t empty. This is a real dick move, I do feel bad about it. I have been a person who empties bins and when there is a hole in the bag and someone has thrown liquid in there… Well, if you haven’t experienced it, you can imagine. I have caused that. Out of laziness and disregard for my fellow human. I’ll try to do better.
- I think Futurama is better than the Simpsons. It’s more consistent and it relies less on celebrity cameos. Obviously, the Simpson’s has been going for far longer and so it’s more at risk of going stale, and I’m not saying I don’t like the Simpsons, I just prefer Futurama. I like the characters better, the jokes are funnier and it’s always fresh. I really think they should stop making The Simpsons and make more Futurama instead.
- I wish that smoking in public was illegal altogether. Politically, sure, I think people can do what they want with their bodies and I know that tax-wise we would suffer or something. Anyway, I’m hardly the pinnacle of health (currently eating leftover Domino’s and an all-too-early chocolate bunny) so I’m in no place to be on a high horse about anyone’s health choices. But nothing annoys me more than walking behind someone who is smoking on a windy day. I live in Dublin, so it is always windy and the wind always blows in your face, no matter which direction you are facing. So, yeah, if I was all-powerful, I would just make it illegal to smoke in public. Though, I guess if I was ALL powerful, I could just make it illegal to smoke upwind of me.
- I love pigs and I would love to have a pet pig, but I also love pig meat and would not give up bacon or pork or whatever even while the pig was in the house, smelling the sizzling flesh of his family. (I say “his” because I would name him Neville.) I probably shouldn’t get one, though.
- I am totally eating that chocolate bunny and we are still in Lent. I can’t be tamed.
So, there you go. Six terrible, terrible secrets. Judge not, lest ye be judged. I’m off to eat rashers and watch An Unexpected Journey.