The Graceless Girl’s Guide to Eating Alone

Some people feel uncomfortable dining alone – the fear is called solomangarephobia – but it can be a wonderful experience. I have the advantage of enjoying eating and enjoying being alone, but even if you’re a social creature it can be nice to take yourself out for dinner once in a while.

Dining alone is a treat for you – you pick the restaurant, you decide the time and the longevity. Nobody will rush you out, nobody will hold you up. You don’t have to put up with anybody else’s gross eating habits or stinky food choices. It’s all about you and your dining experience.

Eating alone means you can eat whatever you want without anyone judging you. Baby animals, placenta, Findus crispy pancakes, all of the socially unacceptable food becomes available to you. It also means you can eat the WAY you want, with nobody asking “why are you cutting your pizza like that? This is not an ad for Dr Oetker” just because you cut it into a dainty triangle because you always liked the way it looked in the Dr Oetker ad.

If you’re very insecure about eating alone, you could always bring a laptop, or a notebook and pen, so you look like a super busy business person who can’t even take time off to eat. Just don’t let the wait staff see that you’re actually doodling pictures of them, or playing candy crush. That will ruin the illusion.

Eating and reading have always been my favourite combination of activities, so I get a lot of reading done while stuffing my face. It’s ideal because there wasn’t a situation when I was reading The Girl on the Train where it asked if I wanted a dessert in a way that suggested it did, but then when I said yeah, The Girl on the Train said “Oh, I’ll just get a tea” and I couldn’t change my mind because I didn’t want to look like I cared what The Girl on the Train thought, but inside I felt like a greedy cow…

The Girl on the Train just provided entertainment while I ate as much cake as I wanted. I mean, a normal amount.

I’m getting sidetracked by my own insecurities about how much I eat… But at least I don’t have to think about them while eating if I’m alone, it’s all about the experience. Going for dinner is not just a social event, it’s the much -lauded “me-time”. MEal time, if you will.

So, now you know your plans for the weekend. You’re welcome.

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