Tantrums

Sometimes you just want to have a bit of a scream.

Children have got it right. If they’re frustrated or angry, they start roaring. Or crying. Or they just sit on the ground and refuse to move.

Adults are annoyed by this. They roll their eyes or look at the parents with disdain. Control your child. But it’s not bad parenting. It’s good child-ing. Scream on, tiny person. There will come a day when your adult-onset shame will prevent you from banging your fists on the floor of Tesco because you want chips. Or don’t want chips. Actually, you can’t remember but you know you have SO MANY EMOTIONS about this and everyone must know.

Make the most of it while it lasts.

I wish I could do that. Sometimes things get so annoying, so infuriating, you just can’t think of a proper way to deal with them. If you could just sit on the ground and start screaming, maybe it would make things better.

I’m on the edge myself. There is a situation I can do nothing about so I just have to sit around and wait and try to hold on to my sanity. I want to scream about 20 times a day. But I can’t, because I’m in work or on the train or at home with my family. If you spontaneously let out a roar in front of people, they will think that you are Not Quite Right. It is not acceptable for a fully grown woman to have a tantrum.

But I WANNA.

So, my brilliant business idea is to have an adult tantrum centre, where fully grown men and women can go to let off steam and not be judged.

Imagine it as sort of the opposite of a zen garden.

As a patron, you would pay for a time slot based on frustration level and necessary procedure. For example, ten minutes for a minor hissy fit, up to an hour for a full-on nervous breakdown.

You would be led into a soundproof room where you could scream your head off for as long as necessary. There would be lots of nice, satisfyingly smashable things to break. Mugs, plates, even chairs. Customisable dart boards available, bring your own photograph.

Nobody would offer advice, or try to see things from another point of view, or point out that there were people worse off than you and if this is you’re only problem then aren’t you lucky. No. None of that.

Once your tantrum was over, you would be given a complimentary cup of tea and sent on your way.

I think this could really revolutionise how we deal with stress and I will be taking it to the Dragons as soon as I have a proper business plan.

In the meantime, I will continue to suppress my rage, like we all do. Really, what harm can come from bottling it up?

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