I was reading an article today that explained rather succinctly the whole concept of the friend-zone. Except that this was an academic article and they called the friend-zone the ‘Virgin/Whore” Syndrome. According to this particular critic :-
‘men may perceive the world as a place inhabited by two kinds of women; “good” women whom they idealize and who have no sensual desires (and for whom, of course the men themselves feel no sexual longings); and “bad” women who are sexual by nature (and with whom it is permissible – perhaps even expected – to have sexual relations).’
At first I was like “OMG this makes so much sense! I just need to figure out how to be *whispers* sexy.” (Probably by learning how to say sexy out loud without whispering it with exaggerated facial movement)
Then I had a think and mentally slapped myself in the face. This idea is insulting to women sure, but it’s also insulting to men. Fair enough the world is populated by a good number of morons who judge on first impressions and would still friend-zone the girl for whom looking sexy was about number 32 on her list of things to do today. But mostly I’d like to think that men aren’t stupid enough to think that you can categorise the fairer sex so quickly. Also there is nothing ‘bad’ about being sexual by nature and anyway screw this mysterious ‘sexual by nature’ personality. A person’s ‘aura’ or their clothing cannot be used as indicators that sex might be ‘permissible’. You know the only thing that makes sex permissible? ACTUAL PERMISSION.
For those who havn’t caught on yet, listen up… (note to everyone else what I’m about to say comes from my super-hero alter-ego CAPTAIN OBVIOUS)
Girls and boys are exactly the same in the sense that no-one is exactly the same. Ya get me?
>That girl over there in the baggy jeans might be an absolute tiger in the bedroom (although make sure you have some pizza money for afterwards)
>That girl with the extensive underwear collection and love of leather jackets? She’s never had sex and isn’t sure if she wants to until she’s married, you’ll have to get to know her to find out.
>That girl who wore a pretty floral dress on your first date to see a rom-com actually loves 300 (for the blood not for Gerard’s abs) and was bored as f*** throughout.
I realise that these ‘dont-judge-a-book-by-its-cover’ girls are almost as cliché as the “Virgin/Whores” from the article but they prove a point.
If you ever catch yourself thinking “maybe I should just put myself out there, flash the flesh” or indeed “maybe if I tone it all down I’ll stop getting harassed by douchebags” STOP. As long as you like it you get to keep it. Be it a hobby, a style, that Justin Timberlake song you cant get out of your head; its yours and if it’s putting guys off then good.. you’re just weeding out those unsuitable matches.
In the same vein… Disney today crowned Merida one of their ‘Disney Princesses’. The star of Brave had a make-over for her big day. She has a smaller waist, bigger tits and she’s lost the bow and arrow. WHAT? Why does she need to be sexy? Remind me again what about this inspiring character from a children’s film needed sexing up? Why does she have to get her baps out to be a Princess?
I feel most like a princess (taking princess to mean royalty/most important person in the room/all round badass) when I’ve just achieved something. Sometimes I feel like a princess just because a great song comes on my ipod and I strut -yes strut – down the street in time with it.
Do you want to know what I feel like when I’ve got my breasts pushed up to my chin and so much mascara on I cant see? Uncomfortable.
Do you know how I’d feel if someone took my treasured bow and arrow away from me? Angry.